My Korean Corner turned 3 last January 18 without me realizing it. Well, afterall, I haven’t posted much this past year (unlike the first two years of this blog when I never missed a month without posting anything).
And it makes me sad. ㅠㅠ
I missed the days when I get to write regularly. Writing has been a good friend to me. It relaxes me. It calms me down when I get to write thoughts that are running wild inside my head. It comforts me when I get to jot down feelings that are brimming in my chest. However I’m prone to getting overwhelmed easily. When thoughts became too many and when emotions gets too strong, I can’t write. Ironically, just when I have so much to say, that’s when I can’t write a damn thing! It seems like thoughts, ideas, feelings were all rushing widly towards my fingertips and I can’t seem to determine what to write down, how exactly I should write them down and most of all, how to begin writing. I guess I have to learn how to organize my thoughts better.
I’ve also been busy. No. Scratch that. I was not REALLY busy. I didn’t enrol so I don’t have to go to school. I don’t have to attend classes. I have no readings, assignments, exams or papers. And even though I’m working full time, all I do is go to the office and work for 8, 9 hours 5 times a week. I still have lots of hours a day and 2 full days for myself. I just deliberately made myself busy because I was (and still am) running away from… I don’t know what exactly… reality perhaps?
Many things happened. No! Something happened that resulted to many many MANY other things.
In summary: I fell in love for the first time in my life and got my heart broken to million pieces instead. And it was too much for an amateur like me to handle.
I dreaded sitting down in front of my laptop because I know I’ll just end up thinking about someone I shouldn’t be thinking of anymore. So instead I went out with friends, I went out alone, I travelled, I went to the gym, I watched Korean, Japanese, English, Filipino dramas, movies, whatever I can grab online. I studied Korean. I want to be dead tired everyday so that when I hit my bed, I’d immediately fall asleep. I don’t need the luxury of free time because free time to me is time to overthink – and that’s the last thing I want to do. I did everything that doesn’t involve too much thinking. Things that doesn’t involve opening myself up – like writing.
The result – abandoned blog, thousands of unread emails (3,000+ as of writing this), hundreds of Facebook notifications and requests, outdated me!
I acknowledge that I’m still not okay. I wonder when will I be okay. But now I want to be okay. I may not be okay and I may not know when will I be okay but I’ll try my best to make myself okay from now on.
And I feel like writing once again just like how I used to write before. I’m glad finding myself writing this way again and I’m hoping I can sustain this. I missed blogging so much and I missed all my blogger friends. I also missed fangirling over Kim Sun Ah. I’ve been outdated about the blogs that I’ve been following, about Kim Sun Ah and about the latest Korean dramas. I guess it’s time to go back!
Despite minimal posts last year (that were dominated by heartbroken rants), cheers to My Korean Corner‘s 3rd year!