Today’s one of the few days I get to spend home. For the past weeks/months I’m always outside with friends (or sometimes by myself) during my rest days.
I used to look forward to my rest days. Nothing’s better than having to spend a day or two in my jammies doing absolutely nothing. Or movie/drama marathoning, studying Korean, reading books, staying in bed all day and all night long.
But this time it’s different.
I hate rest days! Like today!
I’ve become very used to having fun with friends all around me. From fooling around to talking heart to heart. I used to be a loner and I enjoy the solitude of spending time alone. But being with my friends helps me forget things I should have forgotten a long time ago. And now that I’m by myself once more… as much as I hate to admit it… I can’t help but have these senseless useless and stupid thoughts sprawling all around my head and my heart just keeps getting heavier and heavier.
Thoughts. Worries. Loneliness. Pain. Regrets. Anger. I’m sick and tired of all of them. But I just can’t push them all away. I’ve read somewhere one should go through IT and not go around it. The thing is, I’ve been going around IT over and over and over… So I’m stuck in this endless circle.
I kn0w I can’t be with my friends all the time. I also know I can’t always be outside our house all the time. I need to rest too especially now that I’m not getting any younger. Going out non-stop tires me easily – and cost money!
I’ll just find myself some good movies or try to study some Korean and sleep the whole day. Thing on my To Do List? I’ll just deal with them when I feel like it… 😦