내 자리를 지키기 위해

topik32

 

“자리를 지켜라!”

In the midst of my unending whining, self-pity, anger and depression someone told me “자리를 지켜라”.

Honestly, I still don’t know how. I still don’t have the confidence to protect whatever’s left of myself. I’m still afraid to do anything.

After much thought and hesitation, I muster my courage and registered for the 32nd Intermediate TOPIK on the last day of registration.

I don’t have the confidence to pass even Level 3. And I know there isn’t much time left to prepare for it. But… 나도 내 자리를 지키고 싶다. Maybe… hopefully with this I’ll be able to remember how I was before and will be able to find my old self back.

And at least I’ll have something to focus on instead of thinking useless thoughts day in and day out.

일하는 것, 운동하는 것, 드라마 보는 것, 생각하는 것. 요즘에 그것을 밖에 안 해.

I miss studying Korean. I miss blogging.

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14 thoughts on “내 자리를 지키기 위해

  1. Nothing to lose. The exam in Manila is relatively cheap. BTW, I’m almost done with my one month here at HUFS. It has been an awesome experience, but I really suck at conversation. In any case, I’ll be coming home with a plethora of new Korean verb endings in my head! Hopefully, I could come back next year. When are you coming back to Seoul?

    Good luck on the exam. If you fail, it’s not the end of the world.

    • Tell me how cheap it is here! I’ll be stupid had I not registered, right?
      I’ll definitely be back next year. I miss spring so much I’ll die if I won’t be able to see the cherry blossoms once again. But there’s also a movie I’m dying to see and it might be released sometime this year… so I’ll go back to Seoul for it if I can.
      Thanks! I don’t mind failing anyway, though I guess it will be nice if I’ll pass it. I want to show myself, more than anyone else, that there’s still something I CAN do. 🙂

    • I miss all the blogs I follow too! The updates are all sitting on my inbox. Hopefully I can finish reading them this week. I’m starting to feel better going through them one by one… little by little. Thanks!

  2. miss reading your blog!! 😀 Just think of TOPIK as a good experience! It’s just a test and by no means a reflection of your proficiency. Hopefully through preparing for the test you will regain your confidence and your old self (:

    • Shananananana!
      I hope so too! That’s why I finally decided on registering. Not for the results, but for the preparations. I’ve been doing nothing these days but think, sulk and cry. But whenever there’s something Korean that I need to do (reading, writing, translating), it calms me down and it diverts my thoughts and attention from useless things. And even for that few moments worries, fear and pain disappear. So hopefully having to prepare for TOPIK once more would make me feel better. Actually I’m starting to feel better now as I work on one paper. 🙂

  3. Yay~ you registered! Good luck! I was supposed to register too but I was so disheartened that I might not even make it to Level 3 so I decided to take next year instead.. But reading how you registered even not being confident, I felt quite regretful. Maybe I should’ve tried…Maybe… But, past is past. So I’ll just deal with the previous TOPIK Intermediate papers instead (which I haven’t seen even once)..

    Aaaand, I’m really happy you registered! Why? Because I super looooove your TOPIK-related posts (I’m actually backreading now~) from your preparations/plans, rants, and even tips! 😀 Since you’re going to take again this time, I’m anticipating for new posts about your good/bad experiences while preparing.. (Please don’t feel pressured~ I’m just ‘hoping’ ㅋㅋ) 디아 언니, 힘내요~ 그리고 화이팅~!

    • I’m glad I registered too because it prompted my to click on my blog and write something! And don’t worry you can register next time. God knows how many times I’ve also ditched taking TOPIK. To bad you’ll miss the fun though – and the chance to meet-up with me! Depending on how well I’ll fair, we may or may not see each other next year. 🙂

  4. Yes~ miss reading your blog ^(^_^)^ just keep going and studying Korean will bring you back to your old-self again!! You won’t worry about what has happened ~ we will all be cheering you on 힘내요~

  5. Welcome back! I’ve also been looking for new posts from you. I hope you will find some joy in focusing on the TOPIK preparations and if not ‘become your old self’ then at least come out on the other side stronger than before just by putting some distance between you and the things you have experienced.
    화이팅!

    • Actually more than going back to my old self, I would love to change into a better me. But going back to my old self is already difficult as it is at the moment so I dare not wish to change to a better me – yet. Maybe when I am better I can aim for a better me instead of my old self. Or hopefully while trying to find my old self back I’ll actually become a better version of myself. Better than now. Better than before. Hopefully…

  6. Even if you feel like you may not pass level 3, at least you got up and registered for it. It’s more about the steps you take along the journey rather than the ending. I’ll be cheering you on and wishing you good luck on the exam. I wish I got up and registered so that my mind would know, “Okay. All gears in motion. We gotta do this! Study!” XD

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