100 Happy Days: Day 003

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오늘 한국어 능력 시험을 보는 날이였다. 중급 시험을 이미 3번째 봤다. 예전에 이해 못하고 알아 못 들은 부분이 많았다. 근데 아까 본 시험을 대부분 알아들었다. 오늘 제일 행복한 것은 바로 그것이였다. 내 실력이 높아진지 아님 그냥 시험이 쉬워진지 잘 모르겠지만 이번엔 더 많는 것을 이해할 수 있어서 신기하다.
게다가 오늘 친구들을 만나서 좋았다.
또한 댕긴 떡볶이를 먹어서 좋았다.

Today was TOPIK day. Strangely I’ve been anxious since early morning. As expected, I’ve tried cramming everything within a few hours.

Surprisingly I was able to understand most of the exam content this time as compared to the last time I took the exam. And it made me happy! Very happy!

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100 Happy Days: Day 002

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우리 팀장님이 나에게 용돈을 주셨다. 내일 한국어 능력시험을 봐야 돼는데 성주간이라서 전철이 운행되지 않대. 우리 회사에서 한국문화원까지 택시를 타야 되는 것을 밖에 없는 것같다. 그 말을 듣고 예상치 못하게 나에게 돈을 주셨다. 택시비로 쓰라고 했다. 좀 놀랐다. 놀라고 감동을 받았다. 감동을 받은 나는 해복한다.

팀장님, 감사합니다. 이 글을 이해가 못해도 고맙다고 말하고 싶다. 합격하겠다는 약속 못해도 덕분에 더 영심히 해보고 싶다.

I was having a bad day at the office. I failed an evaluation just when I was getting perfect scores one after the other. It even merited a memo. I also received a verbal warning for my one-minute tardiness (not that I mind, but still). Was so damn busy today I have no time to sneak at my TOPIK reviewers. I was starting to get depressed again -  just when I waa just starting to get better. Then my boss gave me a hundred pesos to help me out in my taxi fare tomorrow for TOPIK.

It was unexpected and it made me smile. I was getting annoyed at my work but I realized that somehow I’m lucky. I have to report for work tomorrow but they were considerate enough to adjust my schedule so that I can take TOPIK in the afternoon. To think that Korean language have nothing to do with my work.

Im thankful to one of our supervisors. His kind gesture not only touched my heaet but it made me realized that despite the things I do not spectacularly like about my work, there are still a number of things I should be grateful for.

Tomorrow. TOPIK. I’m so not prepared. Cramming whatever I can while I can still keep my eyes open.

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100 Happy Days Challenge

I’ve seen the #100happydays hashtag on Facebook many months ago. I find it interesting but I didn’t have the confidence nor the courage to complete start the challenge.

But I guess I’ve been sad far too long. And now that I’ve turned 30, I want to start my 삼십대 positively. I want to start feeling happy and grateful once again. I want to forget things that are making me sad.

Can I be happy for 100 days in a row? I’m taking the challenge!

http://100happydays.com/

그 사람이 보고 싶어서 미칠 지경이예요

I miss him so much that I’m about to go mad.

And no! This is not another heartbroken rant.

It’s a sample sentence from TOPIK Essential Grammar 150 Intermediate for the -을 지경이다 sentence pattern.

1111111111111

헐!

Nice! Really nice!

This. And other similar sample sentences about love, dating and breaking-up on various Korean books makes me hate studying Korean these days! LOL!

Just when one is already struggling to make a “comeback” on studying Korean, I’d have to be greeted by this!!!

눈치가 없다! >.<

Good thing I was in quite a good mood today when I came across that sentence so I just laughed and took a photo of it. :)

Okay, I must admit I don’t think I’ll be able to forget the -을 지경이다 pattern because of this example. So, thanks!

 

Learning Korean These Days Are A Tad More Difficult

This post has been sitting on my draft folder for months now but I never got the time energy will to finish it until I’ve watched this scene from I Need Romance Season 2 (episode 6).

Youtube Link

만진다. 잡는다. 간다. 온다. 가르친다. 외출한다. 본다. 느낀다. 슬퍼한다. 화난다. 춤춘다. 노래한다. 밉다. 운다. 웃는다. 사랑한다. 사랑한다. 많이 많이 사랑한다. 상처입는다. 상처입힌다. 키스한다. 그리고 잔다. 이 수많은 말들 중에 나하고 상관없는거 있어? 하나라도 있음 말해봐.

“만진다. 잡는다. 간다. 온다. 가르친다. 외출한다. 본다. 느낀다.
슬퍼한다. 화난다. 춤춘다. 노래한다. 밉다. 운다. 웃는다.
사랑한다. 사랑한다. 많이 많이 사랑한다.
상처입는다. 상처입힌다. 키스한다. 그리고 잔다.
이 수많은 말들 중에 나하고 상관없는거 있어? 하나라도 있음 말해봐.”

“I touch (you). I hold (you). I go. I come. I teach (you). I go out. I see (you). I feel (you).
I get sad. I get angry. I dance. I sing. I hate (you). I cry. I laugh.
I love (you). I love (you). I love you very very much.

I get hurt. I hurt (you). I kiss (you). And I sleep (with you).
Out of these numerous words, is there one that you don’t associate with me?
If there’s even one, let me know.”

It’s been about 7 years that I’ve been learning Korean and in all those seven years I haven’t stopped learning the language. I may not always have a grammar book in tow in all of those 7 years but I make it a point I have something Korean with me each day – be it a novel, a children’s book, a song, a drama, a movie, a subtitling project, an old TOPIK paper, an old notebook, talking with Korean friends, writing a diary, etc. I’ve never stopped. Until a few months ago.

Actually it’s been on and off for the past year. But I’ve completely shut everything out a couple of months ago. Unintentionally perhaps, since I didn’t plan to do so anyway.

Learning Korean has suddenly become a difficult thing for me.

Because of him. Because of me and my stupid heart.

Although I’m generally a visual learner, I’ll probably categorize myself as an “emotional” learner, if there’s such a thing, when it comes to learning Korean. Maybe because Korean dramas were my foundation, I associate words (and even grammar patterns) with emotions. With feelings and memories. And sometimes with people too. For example, when learning a new word, I can remember that Kim Sun Ah has used it in this drama in this episode and in this specific scene. I would remember the mood of the scene, the background music if any and what her character is feeling at that time and how exactly she uttered the word. And the word, along with all the feelings I’ve associated with it, would be planted in my memory. Not only for Kim Sun Ah. It works for me on other dramas, on movies on webtoons, on songs and on my personal experiences too. And it was fun. It used to be fun. But not anymore.

“만진다. 잡는다. 간다. 온다. 가르친다. 외출한다. 본다. 느낀다.
슬퍼한다. 화난다. 춤춘다. 노래한다. 밉다. 운다. 웃는다.
사랑한다. 사랑한다. 많이 많이 사랑한다.
상처입는다. 상처입힌다. 키스한다. 그리고 잔다.
이 수많은 말들 중에 나하고 상관없는거 있어? 하나라도 있음 말해봐.”

“…Out of these numerous words, is there one that you don’t associate with me? If there’s even one, let me know.”

하나라도 없어. Not even one.

I’ve tried. I’ve tried numerous times. I would try to clear my mind and go over a page from a book. One sentence. Two sentences. Three. And then a word would catch my attention. It may be a word he taught me. Or a word I learned from him. A word I’ve told him. A word he told me. A word I’ve used when we’re together. A word he used. A word he wrote. A word I’ve heard from him. A word he looked up in the dictionary for me. A word I’ve looked up in the dictionary for him. Or simply something that we did together. Or a word I could’ve told him. A word I wasn’t able to tell him. A word I wish he told me. A word I wish I’d have told him. A word I wish he never told me. A word I wish I never said. Anything. Everything.

And the memories and old feelings I’m trying to forget will all go back. I’d end up spending the rest of the day staring into blank space, thinking over-thinking,  wasting time, wasting tears and then criticizing and hating myself for still being affected that way.

So I avoided it. I avoided it thinking it won’t do me any good if I continuously push myself into my books. I avoided it just like how I avoided everything else in my life right now. I’ve become a coward. I’ve become so afraid of the pain I’ll do anything to avoid it. And I know it’s not the right thing to do.

It’s just sad that the thing (learning Korean) that used to comfort me when I’m sad or lonely or stressed or my head’s in a total mess has become something that now antagonizes me.

But no, I’m not giving it up. Never will! I’ve been learning Korean for 6 years before I met him. Who is he to mess it all up? I’m just saying it has become difficult.

I’ve started watching Korean dramas again a week ago even if it’s killing me. I found a will to write again (even if I’m not exactly happy of how this post has become!). And I’m planning quite excited to re-open my TOPIK Essentail Grammar 150 Intermediate in a bit since TOPIK is only 16 days away.

Today seems a good day. I may end up crying myself to sleep again tonight but I’ve been missing my Korean books so I’m gonna give it a try today.

“만진다. 잡는다. 간다. 온다. 가르친다. 외출한다. 본다. 느낀다.
슬퍼한다. 화난다. 춤춘다. 노래한다. 밉다. 운다. 웃는다.
사랑한다. 사랑한다. 많이 많이 사랑한다.
상처입는다. 상처입힌다. 키스한다. 그리고 잔다…”

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I Hate Rest Days!

Today’s one of the few days I get to spend home. For the past weeks/months I’m always outside with friends (or sometimes by myself) during my rest days.

I used to look forward to my rest days. Nothing’s better than having to spend a day or two in my jammies doing absolutely nothing. Or movie/drama marathoning, studying Korean, reading books, staying in bed all day and all night long.

But this time it’s different.

I hate rest days! Like today!

I’ve become very used to having fun with friends all around me. From fooling around to talking heart to heart. I used to be a loner and I enjoy the solitude of spending time alone. But being with my friends helps me forget things I should have forgotten a long time ago. And now that I’m by myself once more… as much as I hate to admit it… I can’t help but have these senseless useless and stupid thoughts sprawling all around my head and my heart just keeps getting heavier and heavier.

Thoughts. Worries. Loneliness. Pain. Regrets. Anger. I’m sick and tired of all of them. But I just can’t push them all away. I’ve read somewhere one should go through IT and not go around it. The thing is, I’ve been going around IT over and over and over… So I’m stuck in this endless circle.

I kn0w I can’t be with my friends all the time. I also know I can’t always be outside our house all the time. I need to rest too especially now that I’m not getting any younger. Going out non-stop tires me easily – and cost money!

I’ll just find myself some good movies or try to study some Korean and sleep the whole day. Thing on my To Do List? I’ll just deal with them when I feel like it… :(